Strings
by misaoshiru
Summary: Sidestoryfollowup to marionette. Kaoru ponders Kenshin's invisible strings. Oneshot vignette


disclaimer: Watsuki-sama and all of those other copyright holders own Kenshin, not me. I own a bokken, but that doesn't particularly help. Characters are used without permission, and I'm not making any money at all from this.

**strings**  
_by misaoshiru_

Kamiya Kaoru never expected to become emotionally involved with a man with strings attached, but it was probably inevitable from the moment Himura Kenshin stepped foot in her dojo. Those strings, really, were the only flaw she could still see after the long months they had spent together. She knew who he'd once been, how he once was. She knew how he'd acquired those strings, who'd tied them on to his arms and legs. If only she could give that Katsura a piece of her mind...but there was no use in harboring anger towards a dead man, she reasoned. It was a waste of her time and effort when she could be irritated at Sano for leaving or Yahiko for shirking in his chores.

She knew that Kenshin had once been nothing more than a lowly puppet in the political war-games of Bakumatsu, but all the same...he'd been free for years now. Why did he still have those strings? But she knew; there was no way she could not. He still hadn't managed to forgive himself for his naïveté, nor had he been willing to cut the strings that he dragged along with the sakabatou that replaced his disgrace, having to suffer whenever they snagged. His guilt was dragging him into an abyss purely of his own making, and…if he allowed himself to fall, he'd be lost forever, and she'd be alone again. Sure, there'd still be Yahiko, but that wasn't nearly the same, and some day he'd grow up and leave the dojo, leave her lonely. She couldn't go through that again; she couldn't live through that again. The thought alone brought tears to her eyes.

He had once confessed to her what he'd claimed to be merely a silly thought he sometimes had, that he was just a toy that the gods loved to play with however they desired, but in a way it made sense. He had allowed himself to be their plaything through the mistakes he had made, yet he could have freed himself, could have become human again. Why couldn't he just forgive himself and let go? Sometimes, his idiocy went beyond measure, she thought.

There he was now, doing the laundry and most likely brooding. This was her chance, a time when she could tell Kenshin everything that he should've known and yet remained ignorant to. A time when she could open up and confess to him every feeling held deep within her heart. The more she thought about it, the better it sounded. She coughed to clear her throat, and then she said, "Kenshin?"

"Yes, Kaoru-dono?" He looked up to her, flashing his trademark rurouni grin. His eyes reflected an innocence quite the opposite of how he considered himself to be, and the thought sorrowed her. If only he knew…but now was her chance, her moment to explain to him all he needed to know.

And yet…when she needed them the most, the words just wouldn't come. She wracked her mind as hard as she could, but they were gone. "Never mind," she said with false cheer, turning her back to him. She didn't dare look into his eyes; she might not have been able to hold back her tears that threatened to pour down, and she couldn't bear allowing him to see her weakness. What a fool she was to think she could help remove his strings, when she too was just a puppet! But still…maybe… "I'll have to tell you another time," she added as she walked away, leaving a puzzled Kenshin contemplating more than just the laundry

* * *

The End

* * *

author's notes:  
So…I finally wrote a follow-up to "marionette". What I forgot to mention in "marionette" was that I didn't even own the idea of Kenshin as a "plaything of the gods". That I borrowed from Conspirator-sama, although I suppose I should've asked permission first. Hehe… All the same, even now I'm proud of how "marionette" turned out, and the same goes for this one, though I'm not too sure about the ending… :sigh: As much as I love to depict strong!Kaoru, she, like everyone else, has moments of weakness, which can also be fun to write for drama. So here we are. 


End file.
